By Jason Johnson
I’ll be honest. I was annoyed when I realised that eventually I would have to write an entire blog about cockroaches. I hate the things. Given a choice, I would much rather be on a deserted island with a bunch of timeshare sales agents. A few coconuts and really good aim and I would be able to get rid of the timeshare agents. But how do you get rid of creatures that survived nuclear war? My goodness, these things are tougher to get rid of than a really clingy mother-in-law.
So, grudgingly, I did some research (aka reading bubblegum wrappers) and found out that cockroaches are a lot more than just a side dish in prison; they are actually fascinating creatures. For example, did you know that a cockroach can live for a week without its head? It eventually dies because it can’t listen to music and it can’t watch the repeat episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond it recorded last week. They die of sheer frustration… that and because they can’t eat.
What’s worse, if you get rid of one species of cockroach, there are about 4500 other species just waiting to infest your home and to inhabit that left over lasagna that’s been on your mind since the weekend. They come in all shapes and sizes and with various super powers. Some fly, some hiss and some even give off a strange odor when they are under threat (also like some humans I know – funny). They can even hold their breath for more than 40 minutes, so flushing them is pointless.
Taking into account all the information I have gathered from my extensive research, I have now come to a conclusion. A completely undeniable fact. Cockroaches are a secret terrorist nation sent to overthrow or enslave us humans. It’s quite clear really. It really has been all along. Think about it for a second; the super powers, the sneakiness and the stubborn clinging to life… Mmm?
I think I’m on the right track here. They have other Pest Control companies running scared, but not Rentokil. That’s why doing cockroach control has now become some kind of war to them. Think for a moment, the high tech equipment and the night vision goggles! I mean how strong are the poisons they use? If nuclear poisoning couldn’t kill cockroaches, then what kind of cockroach poison are Rentokil using?
I’ve experienced first hand that it takes people cut from a special cloth to do the job effectively. Like the extremely masculine lady from Rentokil Pest Control with the big biceps and the Doc Martins who kicked my door in and started spraying for cockroaches like she was in some kind of action movie. Diving and jumping around. She even lifted my refrigerator with one hand and hand launched an attack on a few unsuspecting agents that had made themselves comfortable right there.
I may be exaggerating here, but Rentokil technicians are really well trained and only use the most high tech equipment and effective poisons to rid you of pests. This is why they are still and will always remain, “the experts in pest control.”